It is with trepidation that I put in my most recent article to a new magazine; the Bamboo Family Magazine, for their Summer Publication. I agonized over the article...it is a tutorial on how to make Cloth Poi for practicing your dance moves. I am pretty knowledgeable on the subject. I know that it is a good article. And yet there it is the little nagging sensations. Is it a good article? Did I edit it properly? Is all of the information there? Do my words flow or are they condescending? Basically am I good enough?!
And as I sat up last night going over again in my head the details of the article and the pictures I sent in I couldn't help but laugh at myself. I remembered back to when I was dancing and performing with my old company and with the school I attended. I was in studios 90% of my week; I even worked at two so I could go from work to lessons. I remembered all of the hours spent repeating, perfecting, freaking out. All of the nerves running through my system when I stood back stage (or on stage if it was a black box performance). Would I forget the moves? Would I fall? Will anyone think my performance was worthy? It is all the same sensation.
Back then, though, I realized the same thing I re-realized last night. There will always be someone who does not like what I am doing or saying. There will be those who are indifferent. There will be those who think I have captured the moon. And really none of that truly matters. The important thing is that no matter how anxious putting my work out in the world makes me I must do it. It is my gift, my contribution, the way I share my essence with others. And being vulnerable is good because it keeps me humble and honest and these are qualities I value greatly and would not wish to lose. So I continue to share, through my writing, through my Front Porch Summer Camp, through my interactions and my crafting and I trust that at the end of the day all of these little things will bring others the joy they have given me.